You know that saying, “Things get worse before they get better”? Buckle in. Your already long journey isn’t over yet.
Emotionally, this is basically the worst. You have these debts looming over you, no confidence in your longtime spouse and fear about the best way to get out. Your first steps to extricate yourself need to be strategic. Businesslike. Not emotionless, but with your emotions put off to the side for a little while.
First, get a free credit report to take stock of what’s at stake here. What debts are in both your names instead of just yours or just his? Those will be the ones you need to worry about most. Divorce typically doesn’t free couples from shared debt obligations, which is part of the reason so many people get stuck communicating with their terrible exes for longer than they’d like.
The same goes for your home — if you want out from under it, you’re probably going to need to either sell it together (and take the loss for the work it needs) or strike a deal between you about who keeps the house.
Pulling a credit report and getting your finances (as much as you have access to) organized will help in the next step, which is getting some professional assistance. Based on what you noted about verbal abuse, I’m concerned about your safety. Consider contacting a victim advocate who can help you develop a plan to exit this relationship safely. Even if you think you’ve got this handled, it helps to have backup to support you, not just emotionally but with the logistics.
It may also be a good use of inheritance money to secure an attorney you trust. Because you have property and other shared assets with your husband, you’ll want some help with the nitty-gritty of the divorce proceedings.
Remember, you don’t have to mutually want a divorce to get out of this relationship. You can be the plaintiff who files against him.
Consider your safety first. You might lose money at the end of all this, either because you had to pay off debts to get rid of them or because you had to spend on legal counsel. But it’s money well-spent if it can provide peace of mind, safety and eventual financial freedom.
The inbox is open. Submit a question or send your worries to dearpenny@thepennyhoarder.com, and I’ll see what I can do to help.
Disclaimer: Chosen questions and featured answers will appear in The Penny Hoarder's “Dear Penny” column. I won't be able to answer every single letter (I can only type so fast!). We reserve the right to edit and publish your questions. Don’t worry — your identity will remain anonymous. I don’t have a psychology, accounting, finance or legal degree, so my advice is for general informational purposes only. I do, however, promise to give you honest advice based on my own insights and real-life experiences.
Lisa Rowan is a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder.
This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.
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