I can tell you have a big heart. You see someone you care for deeply struggling to get by, and you can’t help but think about ways to help him. I have been there more than I’d like to admit. It starts with this nagging feeling that you could probably do something to help. Before you know it, all you want is to be able to fix it — to give the person you care for the stability you know they ultimately deserve.
But you can only fix so much. No matter how badly you know he needs advice, your boyfriend needs to take ownership of his situation, too. It doesn’t mean he can’t ask for help. But it means he should be the one writing to the advice columnist or scouring the internet for ways to make quick cash instead of you taking on that burden.
The truth is that if he wanted to work hard and fast to make some cash to get his car back, he’d get out there himself and do it. He’d ask neighbors to mow their lawns for $20, or he’d find some other task that might feel less than dignifying but that could help him raise the money he needs.
But he’s not the one who seems to be trying. Maybe he feels helpless after feeling for a while like he’s never going to get by. But he has to want help. He needs to push aside his pride and ask for help. You should not feel like you have to carry this weight alone, or at all.
Have a tricky money question? Write to Dear Penny at https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/dear-penny/.
Lisa Rowan is a personal finance expert and senior writer at The Penny Hoarder, and the voice behind Dear Penny. For more practical money tips, visit www.thepennyhoarder.com.
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This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.
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